bluebirds and lemondrops

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You Hate Musicals Because You Are Dead Inside


I love musicals.

Oh, you hate musicals? Really? I’ll get to you and your opinion in a second.

First, I’m making a public confession: I am a white, heterosexual man who loves musicals. I don’t give a shit who knows. You are not your demographic. The people who make up focus groups are demented human beings.

I eat bacon cheeseburgers. I love pranks. I watch professional wrestling. Well, maybe that last one doesn’t prove anything. Pro wrestling is just Redneck Broadway.

But my point is this: “Defying Gravity” is a legit good song. Do I only listen to musicals? No. I’m not a monster. But I’m not here to defend my Dave Matthews and Electric Light Orchestra Pandora channels.

I know musicals can be cheesy. Some can be boring. There are plenty of awful musicals, too.

But any excellent example of anything is excellent. You have to understand that musicals are, mostly, an irony-free artform. There is no way to be ironic, or even cool, when singing a power ballad in the car or a torch song during a booze-soaked karaoke party.

Now, you. You with your opinion. Fuck your opinion.

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I no longer really believe in guilty pleasures. For me, they’re just “pleasures” now. I will unabashedly admit my love for You’ve Got Mail and Ben & Jerry’s froyo. I’m not sure how (I think Mindy Kaling might have helped?) but I eventually arrived at the attitude of “this is something I genuinely like and I’m not going to pretend to feel guilty about it.”
Kelly Dougher - xoVain